“As if feeling lonely means there is something wrong with us. We feel shame when we feel lonely. We feel shame even when our loneliness is caused by heartbreak or grief.”
I find this to be true in people. People view loneliness as if there is something wrong with them, as if they are going to be lonely forever.
“It’s not the quantity of your friends, it’s the quality of the few relationships that actually matter.”
I think friends can change your life and if you only have a few, but those few are meaningful, then you are rich. The more friends I have, the harder it is for me to find the time to foster those relationships and keep them enriched, especially those that move away or are far.
We fear, “Fear of vulnerability; fear of getting hurt; fear of pain.”
Who doesn’t fear getting hurt; or exposing themselves in a way people will judge them.
“If we find a way to feel hurt instead of spreading hurt, we can change.”
I think this is true because if we are true to our own feelings, and get through the times that are tough, we don’t need anyone else to experience what we are experiencing. It takes hard work to feel and to change, almost a skills to know how to navigate through the experience without taking others with us in an unintentional way.
“People are hard to hate close up. Once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with the pain. Death, loss, grief.”
The closer people are the easier it is to see things that you may like about them, that may be in their heart, that may be their true authentic self.
Why does the cute cupcake decorations matter? “They matter because joy matters. You can experience joy by practicing gratitude.”
And this is why, we mom!
This book is highly recommended for people who feel like they just don’t fit or need to know why it is okay to be vulnerable and afraid at the same time.
Here are some other books to check out
From a New York Times best-selling author, psychotherapist, and national advice columnist, a hilarious, thought-provoking, and surprising new book that takes us behind the scenes of a therapist’s world – where her patients are looking for answers (and so is she).
One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
As Gottlieb explores the inner chambers of her patients’ lives – a self-absorbed Hollywood producer, a young newlywed diagnosed with a terminal illness, a senior citizen threatening to end her life on her birthday if nothing gets better, and a 20-something who can’t stop hooking up with the wrong guys – she finds that the questions they are struggling with are the very ones she is now bringing to Wendell.
With startling wisdom and humor, Gottlieb invites us into her world as both clinician and patient, examining the truths and fictions we tell ourselves and others as we teeter on the tightrope between love and desire, meaning and mortality, guilt and redemption, terror and courage, hope and change.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is revolutionary in its candor, offering a deeply personal yet universal tour of our hearts and minds and providing the rarest of gifts: a boldly revealing portrait of what it means to be human and a disarmingly funny and illuminating account of our own mysterious lives and our power to transform them.
Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments-from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga-that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score exposes the tremendous power of our relationships both to hurt and to heal-and offers new hope for reclaiming lives.
The State Of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity By Esther Perel – a book for anyone who has ever thought Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic; because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected – an expression of longing and loss. A must-read for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.
As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what’s under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: “What do I do?” Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.
In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
Discover how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
• Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back
• Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
• Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.